11th Nov 2017

I am lazy frankly i am too lazy to walk myself into a park ful with green and life. But I do it for my little one who loves the swings and the birds in the tree.

She runs around, plays, hops from one swing to another and jumps incessantly. I just sit on the stone beds dug in the ground and gaze at her manoeuvres without a blink.

"you're enjoying aren't you renne?" mummy "woh aunty kya boli usko" ? asked my daughter since, she wasn't able to comprehend those words said by renne's mother.

So i translated the meaning of those words to her very sincerely. She goes to the kindergarten and is used to hearing instructions in english therefore she gives me a look of interest and not disquiet and i am thankful for that.

These titbits of conversations in English that i hear and overhear in the playground bemuse me because i rarely speak in english and it doesn't come from my inner self so whatever, that is not coming from my heart is not the truth therefore i cannot be fanciful to my loved one.

I cannot ignore the consequences i have incurred for not being able to drop one or two of those melodies that i had acknowledged but was inept to respond, in a similar tone. I have witnessed myself being ignored but i am unsure if i have been stereotyped since i lack proof for that.

I am just aware and follow what i cannot be, english just doesn't happen to me, i feel no connection in between us. Every time i try i feel like i am literally trying and i reflect why at all i should try when i just can do without it.

But it's never too far the day when my little one will encourage me to speak since she will eventually. And i will have no plausible excuse that can suffice her.

All i can say to her now and then is that, dear world! this is not the race you were meant to be in, the race is somewhere else and you know what? you're eons behind!

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14th Nov 2017

Actually this is a sad reality ..we don't follow what our heart says..

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